Archive for the 'Puke' Category

A Gentlelady Is Hard To Spot

January 7th, 2010

A gentleman is always looking for his mirror image in female form; a woman cut from the same silk cloth as he himself: The gentlelady. But in this day and age of posturing and prudishness, what qualities truly make the gentlelady stand out? Is it her dainty laugh? The size of her dowry? The [...]

 

A gentleman hardly considers his outright market domination and boardroom brilliance labor-intensive, yet he still makes the time to celebrate the hard work of the office-drones. As the final holiday of the summer season, a gentleman uses Labor Day parties to retire his summertime, sartorial ensemble. Sporting an immaculate seersucker jacket, a flamboyant shirt and [...]

 

When beckoned by the alluring wink and coo of free, delectable margaritas and beer, a gentlelady always heeds the call with a curtsy and quickly skips to the closest watering hole to grace her adorers with her appearance. Not wanting to be rude, a gentlelady is always wont to include others in her own celebrations, [...]

 

When a local township goes to throw a large public gathering occasion for its populace, whether it is an annual cobblestone criterium or a fancy elephant parade or simply a seasonal free parking day, they know that no civic event would be complete without the presence of the gentleman. As a natural crowd drawer himself, [...]

 

While most seasoned jetsetters bitch and moan about the fading glory of international travel, lamenting the loss of the Concorde and uneasily eyeing the hordes of budget-minded blowhards with whom they must share an aircraft, tour bus or gypsy cab, a gentleman takes the modern state of communal boarder crossings in style, even adding his [...]

 

Just because a gentleman elevates his day-to-day drinking duties to an art form, doesn’t mean our hero isn’t prone to the occasional slip up, trip up or spit up. With such vast quantities of alcohol swimming through his system, the gentleman can, at the drop of a dime, switch from a genuflecting guest to a [...]

 

When gallivanting around town, a gentlelady transforms from a soft-spoken damsel into a tornado of catastrophic class. Knowing full well that the means to accomplishing her night-prowling ends are best tackled solo, the gentlelady parades through the equation of urban nightlife like a vivacious variable, unpredictable, unstable and capable of severely altering the outcome of [...]

 

Each morning a gentleman arises, he’s forced to answer the improbable question: “Pray tell, where did I vomit last night?” But unlike the common man, whose weak stomach would go queasy at the thought of a rogue splattering and whose feeble mind would surely buckle under such uncertain circumstances, a gentleman addresses the situation with [...]