Archive for the 'Defecation' Category

A gentleman takes his sartorial getup very seriously, often times placing an equal amount of importance on his appearance as he does the business at hand. Indeed, maintaining complete composure is a top priority, and he’ll allow neither hell nor high water to compromise his fashionable digs regardless of the circumstances.  His pant leg’s pleat [...]

 

How The Gentleman Stole Christmas

December 21st, 2009

A gentleman is always in high demand, but no more so than during the holidays, when eggnog-swilling guests anticipate his arrival with the giddiness of snot-nosed children awaiting St. Nick. Never one to deprive others of his dazzling presence (or himself of a delicious open bar), the gentleman makes sure to gallivant with redoubled vigor, [...]

 

A Gentleman is Reborn!

June 22nd, 2009

There comes a point in every mature gentleman’s life when he grows tired of the monotony of his supremely excellent urban existence and he longs to return to the simplicity of his youth. Escaping the city in the backseat of his chauffeured stretch-limousine, a gentleman arrives in the bucolic bliss of his country estate with [...]

 

With the summer months approaching, a gentleman may entertain thoughts of slenderizing his usual pear-shaped silhouette to appease the throngs of seaside gentleladies who undoubtedly have been waiting all winter to swoon and fawn over the beach-bound gentleman in his fashionable aqua trousers. However, given  his firm abhorrence to excessive exercise and his legendary appetite [...]

 

While most seasoned jetsetters bitch and moan about the fading glory of international travel, lamenting the loss of the Concorde and uneasily eyeing the hordes of budget-minded blowhards with whom they must share an aircraft, tour bus or gypsy cab, a gentleman takes the modern state of communal boarder crossings in style, even adding his [...]

 

There comes a point in every gentleman’s life when he realizes he’s no longer what he used to be, and that he’d better start taking care of himself if he hopes to preserve the remainder of his fading magnificence. However, while hairlines recede, libidos shrink and drinking tolerances weaken, one attractive quality of the gentleman [...]

 

Upon commencing a new job, a gentleman’s first order of business is to make a good impression with his coworkers. Long before he seals any profit-producing deals, spends the afternoon with his secretary in a pay-by-the-hour hotel suite (known as the gentleman’s matinee) or gets rip roaring drunk in the break room, the newly hired [...]

 

When it comes to women-wooing, a gentleman prefers to avoid all cat and mouse games by cutting straight to the chase. Considering Internet dating and flirty repartee the methods of meek men, a gentleman sticks to the tried and trusted tradition of the grand gesture and the age-old sacrifice, taking it upon himself to produce [...]

 

A gentleman’s mind is not unlike his imported sports car: it is incredibly fast, highly specialized, is phenomenally expensive yet invaluable (to employers), and can change directions on a dime at the slightest whim or fancy, vectoring off onto a completely different course with the slightest provocation. A gentleman may begin a delightful conversation pontificating [...]

 

The internal affairs of the modern gentleman are some of the most storied accounts ever pontificated upon during juicy and ripe exchanges among good friends, and — despite the prudish and puritanical preconceptions of commoners — these tales are celebrated and discussed just as feverishly and intensely as any compelling business ethics/geo-political/science vs. religion/Illuminati conversation. [...]