A gentleman takes his sartorial getup very seriously, often times placing an equal amount of importance on his appearance as he does the business at hand. Indeed, maintaining complete composure is a top priority, and he’ll allow neither hell nor high water to compromise his fashionable digs regardless of the circumstances.  His pant leg’s pleat will remain crisp while leading the charge atop his steed in battles, his ascot’s knot will remain fashionably fastened at high speed while whipping around Monte Carlo in illegal drag races, and his shirt’s ruffles will  properly aerate his untamed chest hairs while fishing off his yacht in the fiercest of tempests. No amount of sweat or blood or hemorrhoid runoff or premature ejaculation will compromise the gentleman’s commitment to supreme elegance in appearance, lest he be mistaken for an unsavvy simpleton.

SartorialSir: so
SartorialSir: i shit my pants this weekend
Sent at 11:35 AM on Monday
J.C.Pennyman:  hahaha. what happened?
J.C.Pennyman: was it sat night during your odyssey of indulgence? (I was living vicariously through your twitter updates while making dinner with Sarah*)
SartorialSir: Yes
SartorialSir: Went to Roberta’s for dinner
SartorialSir: Decided to get real drunk. gin, of course
SartorialSir: then some party at The Woods bar
SartorialSir: beers and shots of whiskey
SartorialSir: then The Gutter for gin again, and more whiskey
SartorialSir: then some house party to meet up with Davidson and some other dudes
SartorialSir: where i grabbed an entire bottle and started drinking out of it
SartorialSir: i was wasted, dancing around like a maniac headbanging (there is video) – me and some dude with a peg leg were thrashing
J.C.Pennyman: haha why did he have a peg leg?
SartorialSir: who fucking knows.
SartorialSir: anyway, then i smelled something
SartorialSir: it smelled like a dirty diaper
SartorialSir: i went to the bathroom
SartorialSir: i had probably half a cup of shit in my drawers
SartorialSir: i think i had a broken valve and was too fucked up to notice the leak. the o-ring on my tank must have come loose
SartorialSir: i scraped my boxers clean as possible
SartorialSir: then decided it was time to go home
SartorialSir: it was awful
SartorialSir: yet im oddly unashamed
SartorialSir: i flet like George brett
SartorialSir: George Fucking Brett – “WATER. was at this great little steak house Cocomo’s in Vegas”…
SartorialSir: I’m good for that once or twice a year
J.C.Pennyman:  hahahaha
J.C.Pennyman: thats amazing that you didnt even realize you’d shit yourself until you smelled your own filth
SartorialSir: the horror
J.C.Pennyman: did you go home and have Alison clean you up?
SartorialSir:  i just stripped down to my boxers and got in the shower and let them rinse out and doused them and myself with all manner of soaps and shampoos
J.C.Pennyman:  scents and oils
SartorialSir:  made alison spray the inside ass of my jeans with febreeze cause they stunk like rotten shit too
J.C.Pennyman:  so you are not washing them
SartorialSir:   well you cant wash raw denim
SartorialSir:   ruins them
SartorialSir:   rather have a little turd in there than see a $200 pair of jeans go up in smoke
SartorialSir:  i mean, these are fucking Nudie Jeans
J.C.Pennyman:  hahaha jesus christ
SartorialSir:  wtf am i supposed to do
SartorialSir:   i let them dry out on alison’s rack
SartorialSir:   and wore them the whole next day to the museum with her parents

  add 1  RATING: 18

  • Digg
  • StumbleUpon
  • Reddit
  • Facebook
  • TwitThis
  • Tumblr
  • Google
  • del.icio.us
  • E-mail this story to a friend!

8 Responses to A Gentleman Soils His Pantaloons

  1. HA HA so true about Nudie jeans. I burst out laughing at this part. I would have done the same thing, you can shit in your Nudies but you can’t wash them until at least six months of wearing them!

  2. So is this an add for one of those bars or is it an add for Nudie Jeans? My friend from Warner Bros says u guys have an agent at William Moris and that they are making u go corporate

  3. awesome. one of the few good uses of autotune.

  4. Perhaps, and only after spending $200 for a pair of jeans, sadly, the gin allowed the man to finally pull his head out, thus unstopping the area.

  5. You daredevil.

    To imagine being hungover, spending the day in a museum with the lady’s parents, all the while sporting soiled slacks is none too pretty.

    They should erect a statue with a reflecting pond for others to remember this event.

  6. You daredevil.

    To imagine being hungover, spending the day in a museum with the lady’s parents, all the while sporting soiled slacks is none too pretty.

    They should erect a statue with a reflecting pond for others to remember this event.

  7. A $200 pair of jeans ought to be filled with shit.

  8. $200 pair of jeans so funny.

Leave a Reply