The convivial spirit of the modern gentleman is inspiring indeed. While his voracious appetite requires abundance, his refined palate dictates what edible pleasures will be consumed at any whim. Whether he is on day five of a Eurasian holiday feasting bender or simply staggering sans sleep to his favorite Vegas early-bird buffet, a gentleman always demands culinary excellence, and allows nothing but the freshest of vegetables, the youngest of animals and creamiest of soufflé to enter his yearning maw. So when presented with a fine array of delectable delights that may include phallic-shaped baked goods, a gentleman will flip his tie over his shoulder, raise his dignified pinkly and nom with the fervor and accuracy of a googly-eyed, furry whatchamacallit.

GamblingGent: i am playing mega millions. pot is at 250 mill
GamblingGent: that would pretty much solve most of my current dilemmas
CookieMonsieur: like your lack of private air transportation dilemma? Or your one-ply toilet paper dilemma?
GamblingGent: I would assume
CookieMonsieur: well wow. good luck to you
CookieMonsieur: in other news want to know how much my life sucks?
GamblingGent: how much?
CookieMonsieur: Trish made cookies for her sisters bachelorette party this weekend. they are shaped like dicks
CookieMonsieur: and i just went on a cock cookie bender
GamblingGent: hahaha
CookieMonsieur: i am literally sitting on her couch, unemployed and shoving my moth full of cookies that look like dicks
GamblingGent: hahaha. maybe arrange the rest so it doesn’t look like you just ate 5 of them?
GamblingGent: dick arranger!!!
CookieMonsieur: nope. i killed them
CookieMonsieur: i ate all the dicks in the house. they are all gone
GamblingGent: is she going to be pissed that you ate all the cookies?
CookieMonsieur: probably. I don’t think she can make more dicks between now and tomorrow.
GamblingGent: so on the cookies, were there black jimmies on the balls part for the short and pricklies? white frosting “islands of hawaii” on the plate?
CookieMonsieur: hahah
CookieMonsieur: there were black jimmies all over the balls actually — that was the best part, cause there was cookie, frosting and sprinkles all layered
GamblingGent: haha teabagger
CookieMonsieur: jesus and this is the most productive thing i have done all day
CookieMonsieur: this sucks. god damnit!
CookieMonsieur: dang nabit
CookieMonsieur: i need a beer
GamblingGent: i’ll meet you for a beer if you want. i’m headed to Dave’s for a fantasy draft thing. that starts at like 8
CookieMonsieur: oh hell yeah i will get a beer
CookieMonsieur: i’m all hopped up on sugar coated dick cookies
CookieMonsieur: and i just reached into the refrigerator and slurped down two dill pickles.
CookieMonsieur: WTF is going on with me?
GamblingGent: hahaha don’t worry about it, it’s like they said in Superbad, all the best food is shaped like dicks
CookieMonsieur signed off at 5:47 PM

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Filed under: Cooking, Fat, Food.

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