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Because a gentleman maintains the perfect balance of glamour, manners and class while galavanting on the town, he is often considered to be an invincible, omnipotent, flawless god walking amongst men. However, we must remember that the gentleman is indeed a mortal, albeit it a grand and impeccable one, who is subject to the same forces of nature and alcohol as all other beasts. While he is normally an aggressive stag up for any fight or fornication opportunity that presents itself, sometimes a younger gentleman will cross paths with a gentlelady so intimidatingly beautiful and fierce — a true diamond in the buff — that he will become discombobulated and act quite uncharacteristically. So rare is a gentlelady of this caliber that her stunning elegance and drop dead gorgeousness will shock the gentleman to his very core, causing him to drop his monocle in awe and tremble in his alligator shoes. Lost is the young gentleman’s coital chance, but after facing this type of jarring experience, a gentleman’s resolve will only grow, and he’ll vow to never again be caught off guard in such a manner.

SlutFather: in other news i tried to get laid last night massive disappointment
MissLiss: who was that? Miladys guy?
SlutFather: yep
SlutFather: fucking disgrace
MissLiss: what happened that made you kick him out?
SlutFather: first of all i was clearly talking about sex a lot
SlutFather: when a girl talks that much about it rest assured, she’s good and she knows what she’s doing. you better fuck with confidence
SlutFather: so if you have the balls to beg me to come home with me i have expectations
SlutFather: when you get into my room and start hooking up with me and then tell me “just so you know its not really that big”, expect a look of disgust
MissLiss: gross!
MissLiss: so thats where it ended?
SlutFather : no
SlutFather: so i said the size doesn’t matter as long as you know what you are doing and he just sort of gawked at me…like he didn’t
SlutFather: i was like jesus christ. i go “look, i don’t have the time or the energy for a bad lay so get your shit together and lets bang or you need to leave”
SlutFather: so he’s like…i’m literally speechless right now
SlutFather: and i was like you’re not the first buddy
SlutFather: i actually said buddy
SlutFather: so then he’s like you are making me really nervous
SlutFather: and i was like this is why i don’t fuck 25 year olds
SlutFather: so then i get on ALL FOURS and i go you better start fucking me now or youre leaving
SlutFather: so he’s just like in shock
SlutFather: and then he sort of tried and couldn’t keep it up
SlutFather: frankly i don’t blame him
SlutFather: so then i go
MissLiss: omg
SlutFather: get your shit and get out, you are a disgrace
SlutFather: yes, i said that for real. i’m like the don corleone of sex
SlutFather: the Slutfather
MissLiss: wow
SlutFather: so he’s like about to cry and he’s like can we just cuddle
SlutFather: and i go #1.  i don’t cuddle
MissLiss: im speechless
SlutFather: #2.  i DEFINITELY don’t cuddle people unless i’ve had an orgasm that renders me retarded momentarily and i do it out of sheer exhaustion
SlutFather: so he’s like please just let me go down on you
SlutFather: and i was like i’m over it. leave
SlutFather: so i grab my cell phone because its pitch black in my room and i shine the light on him like a cop
SlutFather: and i’m like your clothes are down there
SlutFather: so he gets his shit and leaves
SlutFather: he starts texting me at 9 AM this morning. he’s a glutton for punishment. and then he’s like “give me one more chance, i can handle you, you just caught me off guard”
MissLiss: oh god
SlutFather: i was like i cannot be handled
SlutFather: have a good day at work
SlutFather: the end
MissLiss: haha
SlutFather: 100% italian 0% stallion
SlutFather: that man is destroyed for life
SlutFather: he’s not the first
SlutFather: wont be the last

  add 1  RATING: 48

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58 Responses to A Gentlelady Catches a Young Gentleman Off Guard

  1. This pantywaist was surely no gentleman. A real upstanding citizen, even if he’d consumed too much of the grape to be as upstanding as usual, would never have allowed himself to be shamed in such a manner by a foulmouthed hussy. First of all why was this gentlewoman able to speak so freely? Next time, find her something to do with that sharp tongue other than scold!

    A real gentleman would have instead relished the challenge of this saucy trollop’s demands–Slutfather, wherever you are, I salute you for your forthright slatternly separation of strong wheat from floppy chaff.

    PS unblock me from g-chat please?

  2. LOL Michelle you crazy bitch! You crack me up! I hope you’re having fun hun! ahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha

  3. Gallivant.

  4. Jesus H. Christ!!! I bow to the Slutfather, for having the gall to do/say what the rest of us can only dream of. Every time I fake an orgasm, a part of my soul dies. I am inspired and shall follow suit this weekend…and forever.

  5. you’re an inspiration to us all.

  6. dyke

  7. haha you got blocked from gchat

  8. good lord why cant i run into these kind of women

  9. Please…. anyone who claims to be this confident/agressive(?) doesn’t hook up in a pitch black room. Turn a light on and then tell me how the story would have gone.

  10. I know this dirty slut don’t feed her ego!

  11. Dear Overit,

    When IMing my girlfriends about a bad lay I didn’t feel it necessary to include every move I made throughout the ordeal but since you are challenging me I will inform you that once we walked in the door I lit 2 candles in my room so he could see the awesomeness that is me.

    When things started taking a turn for the worse and I started getting pissed off and telling him to leave, I blew out the candles and ordered him out…he kept trying to stay (hence the cuddling and the oral offers) and that is when I grabbed my cellphone and made my point.

    If you need further details please feel free and I’ll let you know when I inhaled and exhaled as well.

    Don’t be jealous baby.

  12. I want to know you

  13. Dear SlutFather,

    Miss You.

    Your Friend who lives in Romania

  14. slutfather,

    are you one of those NYC girls that thinks they are perfect?

  15. i’m not originally from NY. and in the sack? yes.

  16. Count Van Snatchel

    Slutfather seems as fat as the Godfather….I picture her to be a rather rubenesque lass.

  17. Haha… funny. Jealous is the furthest from how I feel.

  18. over it – people that read this blog tend to have a sense of humor…why don’t you get laid and get one.

    count van snatchel – i love your name…however i’m hot and blonde so sorry about wishing i was fat. if you want a pic let me know and if you want to bang let me know that too…unless you have a baby dick and are fat yourself.

    kisses.

  19. Country Gentleman

    I do believe any gentleman appreciates a challenge.

    I offer: Slutfather vs. all Foggy Monocle gentleman.

    Then we’ll see just how good she remains after three or four 30 second poundings.

  20. The above lad is giving a bad rap for 25 year old males. For instance, I find it more that the Ladies in the said age range are shy and hold back far more than myself and the fellow gentleman I personally gather with. In this case we consider her a hero. If the tables were turned, the man would be considered a bit aggressive. The joys of being a woman with a sex drive. Jealous.

  21. Slutfather is my hero.

    And talk about double standard…this blog is full of IMs of “gentlemen” bragging about their conquests and said conquests’ talents or lack there of. Nice to hear it coming from a gentlelady for a change.

  22. GoodInBedButDon'tNeedToBlogAboutItToValidateMyself

    OverIt- don’t feed the troll. Something tells me you get laid plenty :)

  23. I have often considered doing this with less than stellar sexual partners. Usually after the women apologize and make some excuse for being terrible. They too, offer to go down, usually with disastrous results as well.

    The silver lining, however, is that as a man, it is far easier to achieve climax than it is for a woman, so I usually stay just short of kicking them out.

    Much like you SlutFather (strange to think of as a possibly attractive gentlelady), I don’t believe in second chances. I approve of your discerning standards, even though they probably did ruin some kid’s life.

  24. Slutfather is an impostor ! She is not a gentlelady but a mere harlot: a temptress at best and a hellish vixen at worst. True gentlemen and gentleladies earn their wings by showing largess and enjoying the company of others, not by tormenting them. And there is no ‘double standard’ as this great blog chronicles stories of gentleladies who have good times ( e.g. the one who left a condom in her brother’s car, the one who brought her entire softball team to a love interest’s house when she said it was only her, and the one who fucked a guy while on her period while she was baby-sitting her nephew). Their monocles were truly foggy after their experiences. Schadenfreude is not gentleman/womanly. Not only should this story be removed but it should never have made the sight in the first place. I have to say that for the first in my month or so of readership I am disappointed and not thoroughly amused after visiting the sight

  25. Grammar is my friend

    G&T – “not only should this story be removed but it should have never made the SIGHT in the first place”.

    #1. You are clearly a man and of course you think that.
    #2. why don’t you use the correct word in the correct context…i think you meant SITE.
    #3. in defense of women out there slutfather wouldn’t have had the material to blog had the gentleman been up to par. it sounds like she had a good time writing about it.

  26. Oswald Cobblepot

    I’m curious, SlutFather. What made you decide to take this guy back to your place? It seems to me that a woman as confident as yourself would’ve been immune to the various sorts of ‘game’ of lesser men. Was his personality in the bedroom completely different from when he was talking with you beforehand?

  27. HA. G&T sounds like a bitter recipient of the treatment Slutfather bestowed on this wanting gentlemen. Whining and complaining about having to read an entertaining and all too common story (sorry gentlemen of NY but you really need to pull it together) just proves my point.

  28. Ok everyone…my last comment:

    Any and all men reading this post that have decent packages and can properly lay a woman aren’t commenting here. They are reading and laughing and going about their day. The ones that are writing and are angry or talking shit…well…I think we all know.

    Oswald Cobblepot – your name is outrageous. i heart it. to answer your question: this guy was like 6′3″, played college football and was talking a big game at the bar. i thought, this guy can throw me around a little…i didn’t let the fact he was from Jersey deter me :) what happens is…everyone is SOOOO brave at the bar and frankly, most men don’t expect a girl to take them up on their offer. I have sex like a man, no strings, no emotions, all physical so I don’t want to cuddle I want to get laid and if you can’t do it then why are we here. This guy BEGGED me to take him home so I thought, he must be confident with what he’s working with because I certainly am and I make it known. Well and you saw how that turned out…

    Women have NO IDEA what men are working with! Its like going into war unarmed and you don’t know what you are in for until its too late. I think I’m going to start making men show me before leaving the bar…like a briefcase of money “let me see it first”.

    Happy Banging!

  29. Ron Jeremys Pubic Mound

    Slutfather, youre the shit. If some dude is too chickenshit you give you a good pounding, they deserve to get kicked the fuck out.

    Im a dude and I know this.

  30. (i) I agree with the “slutfther” on the premise of deception. However, the “being from Jersey” thing should have been a major clue. This girl was clearly open about what she was expecting, and it should have been aparrent to this dude that he was talking to a slut. Therefore his inability is deservign of the humuliation

    (ii) Slutfather, aptly named, is clearly just a skank, and thus needs to accept the fact that, as a chick who does random dudes (who are clearly douchebags) she meets in bars, dissapointment is going to become something she needs to get used to, especially as she ages.

  31. Arthur Fonzarelli

    Heyyyyyy!

  32. Hats off to Slutfather. I commend your honesty and openness. Your only mistake was associating with a guy from Jersey. You should know better.

  33. slutfather follower

    Dearest Slutfather:

    Loved the story – obviously anyone with a sense of humor would. I know you said you wouldn’t comment anymore, but I do have two question. You alluded to the fact that you don’t normally engage in sexual relations with 25 year olds. How old are the men you normally do? And how old are you? Now, I know that normally women over a certain age don’t reveal such secrets – however your level of confidence suggests a cougar while your sense of humor suggests more of a puma. Please enlighten.

    xo,
    PIT
    (puma-in-training)

  34. Shes 26 or 27 and the guy found out about her ridiculing him on the net and is begging for another chance.

    As a male friend of sluttfather I’d bang her and wouldnt have said issues but I have to add that if a she did that to me I would spit in her face and hitler her toilet!

  35. Ugh, this was painful to read. What a load of shit. And the fact that she keeps responding to prove herself? Yep, sounds like your typical Forever-21 donning, tramp-stamp exposing, acrylic-nail wearing skank with chlamydia who types a big game while pounding hoagies in bed watching Sex and the City. No respectable hot girl goes home with a guy that’s “begging” her, and getting down on all fours like a dog? Yeah, that’s something a real class act does.

    But for real, you’re such a badass, Slutfather. A real don quixote of sex. Cuddle? PSH! That’s beneath you, you fucking rockstar! Please, regale us with more of your exaggerated tales to pump yourself up via the internet. What a winner!

  36. most amazing story ever, please continue to submit, my work is still to this day laughing about it.

  37. Ugh! Grotesque! If a woman, well I guess in this case a girl, ever did that to me I would feel the need to let her have it. I mean, this is not the acts of a lady but of a STD ridden hussie…I wonder how this girls mother would feel after reading this. It seems as though someone needs a lesson in manners. I guess some guys like that…the type of guys who use hair gel and steriods, it sounds like. All I know is that it is okay to be crazy in the bed room, but why on earth would you feel the need to brag about such antics, unless you are very much insecure and feel the need to let the world know. I just feel really sorry for any man that has slept with this hussie, how gross and worthless you must feel after reading this story… ha…keep on humping you slut for brains!

  38. Rankmaster Timmons

    Slutfather, what you’ve just said is one of the most insanely idiotic things I have ever heard. At no point in your rambling, incoherent response were you even close to anything that could be considered a rational thought. Everyone in this room is now dumber for having listened to it. I award you no points, and may God have mercy on your soul.

  39. As a gentleman in his late 20s, I’ve had conquests go both ways. I hope for the sake of the Slutfather that her next fornicationary foray was more fruitful, and for the sake of Limp Junkerton that he has the crutch of saying he followed too much brown liquor with too much white lightning rather than just he’s got the staying power of a 13 year old choir boy.

  40. Portuguese man o WAR!

    Look you sound like a little slut. The dude you are talking about i know! You little slut need to get fucked properly and stop thinking you are a Sex Queen. You are a frustrated lil bitch that needs to get rammed and rammed again until you have had enough, obviously you never had an orgasm or if you think you did that wasnt it you need to be penetrated properly by more that one guy and still wouldn’t be enough. A gangbang on your ass would be b’tiful and I will happily be part of it.

  41. Skaramanga Boom Boom

    I agree with Portuguese man o WAR!

    You need to get a proper rogering by real men. The only reason you think you’re a sex queen is caus you never had a real cock tear you a new a-piece. I would also gladly participate in a gangbang on your ass to teach you a lesson or two..

  42. “Any and all men reading this post that have decent packages and can properly lay a woman aren’t commenting here. They are reading and laughing and going about their day.”- Slutfather

    word

  43. I would like to subscribe to your newsletter, Slutfather. You have truly inspired me with your idea of making men show you what they’re working with before leaving the bar. From now on, when I meet a gentleman, I will follow through with Commandment #1. And if he’s truly a go-er, I’ll only see dollar signs.

  44. “Any and all men reading this post that have decent packages and can properly lay a woman aren’t commenting here. They are reading and laughing and going about their day.”
    LOL
    So a slut has been fucked around for a few years and she writes about “all men that have decent packages and can properly lay a woman”, as if it was a category of people who all have the same reaction to a given situation…
    Slut, I don’t feel attracted to you, I’d rather have sex with a girl who makes me laugh than a bitch who brags about how men can’t handle her.
    You obviously don’t know much about men. Or women. Real women.
    And it is obvious that your self-confidence hides something ugly.
    As someone said you’ll end up being a cougar and people will lose all interest in you as your “beauty” fades, then you’ll get addicted to plastic surgery and try not to age, but won’t succeed. In the end you’ll regret having rejected all the world’s kindness but there won’t be any left for you.
    Not too late to try and be more “human”.
    PS: I have a very decent package, I’m not saying it to brag, but just so you know that you’re wrong in at least one way.

  45. Where is this upstanding woman located? She’s like a dragon, or out of control mare, she must be conquered.

  46. wall street.

  47. Still Laughing a Month Later

    Slutfather, well played. I think I love you.

  48. Still Laughing…its nice to know you have a sense of humor and don’t take a little blog as seriously as cancer. if youre hot and live in manhattan let me know :)

  49. bitches who think their vast sexual experience is empowering are always fun. right up until they have to move to another city to get hitched because nobody wants their abused, saggy, easy clam anymore.

  50. Slutfather is only doing what most women want to do but society says its unacceptable for women to act like that.. I had a girl like her at a young age and it was truly a blessing cause I’ll never be one of those guys ever again

  51. who said i had vast sexual experience? i just don’t enjoy a bad lay and i’m not afraid to speak up instead of just laying there and staring at the ceiling like most women do and let you think your sexual prowess is something to brag about. i am not sure how that equates to having an “abused, saggy, easy clam” as much as it reveals you are clearly a bitter little fellow.

  52. Keep on keepin’ on, SF. Every girl deserves a competent NSA bang if she wants one.

    You called his bluff and he immediately started making excuses. F him. Like Vince Lombardi said, if you aren’t fired with enthusiasm, you’ll be fired with enthusiasm. You fired his bitch ass because he deserved it.

    I live in Manhattan, have been to Miladys many a time, and can deliver, but have my hands full right now. But you do your thing.

  53. Slutfather, Please Marry Me-

    Thanks

  54. I seriously just laughed out loud.
    More power to you SlutFather!

  55. [...] What it is:  Instant Messaging is a forgotten art thanks to all the hype Twitter and Facebook receive.  This site highlights some of the most bizarre IM convos, usually about hooking up. Example:  Too long to paste, but read this one. [...]

  56. abused sagging easy clam

    you would be surprised at how many men still want me. the real big dicked dudes have trouble getting laid. some ice princess with too many issues to spread her snatch like it means business just won’t fit. something guys too hung up on purity as a female vitrue will never understand. the real swinging dicks of the world just don’t care. if you want to act like them, or at least not come across like one of them, you might be wise to abandon some of your stated fetish for what is at best “relative purity” unless you are trolling the high schools refereeing girls sports because you”love the game”.

  57. Bitches like this make my dick wince.

  58. I don’t know Slutfather personally so I’ll reserve any rash judgments about her as a person. What I do know is that this is the only time I haven’t laughed at this site, I just don’t see the humor in it. I simply feel sorry for all parties involved…

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