A gentleman and his automobile have long been a beloved staple around town. Zipping this way and that, fishtailing around tight turns and tooting his horn as he passes cheering townsfolk, the gentleman driver cuts quite a handsome figure with his elbow cocked out of the cab, his scarf flapping in the wind, loosey-goosey radio jingles humming on his hi-fi and a fun-loving flapper shifting his gear shaft. In fact, the awe-inspiring sight of a gentleman and his racing coup is enough to impregnate housewives and cause their husbands to feel like they were 16 again. Glorious indeed! Such is his unwavering commitment to his four-wheeled partner-in-crime, that when the gentleman isn’t out challenging local law enforcement to drag races on main street, he can be found tinkering with his prized vehicle’s Italian chassis and rubbing down its shark-like fins with a baby diaper. Given his boy-like love and devotion to the vehicle, you can only imagine the gentleman’s distress when a member of his own tribe disgraces his beloved chariot motorcar!

Brother: WTF did you do in my car last night?
Brother: i’ve been waiting for you to get online so i can yell at you
Sister: uhhh, what are you talking about?
Brother: when i let you borrow it last night for your “dinner date” i told you to be careful with it
Brother: as i had a sales call and would probably be driving around clients this morning
Sister: i was!
Brother: oh yeah?
Brother: then what was a used condom doing in the back?
Sister: what?
Sister: gross!
Brother: you have no idea how mad i am, the client noticed it
Brother: i’m about to have a FUCKING meltdown
Sister: pfff please that wasn’t from me!
Brother: sure
Sister: you probably left it in there
Brother: i’m 32 years old, i don’t have sex in my car anymore, i do it in my house
Sister: Ha! when was the last time that happened?
Brother: fuck off, honestly just SHUT THE FUCK UP
Brother: when i let my little sister borrow my car i don’t expect her to have sex with a random guy in it
Brother: i’m letting you live rent free while you get things worked out and this is how you repay me?
Sister: oh fuck off you saint
Brother: really? REALLY?
Brother: that’s all you have to say about this
Sister: well even if i did do it, which i didn’t, you should’ve at least applauded me for practicing safe sex
Brother: you’re getting it cleaned professionally tonight, i dont care how broke you are
Brother: how the fuck are these clients going to take me seriously when there’s a fucking used condom in my car?
Sister: i’d worry about upgrading from a Chrysler Lebaron first
Brother signed off at 12:32 PM

Filed under: Damage, Date, Gentlelady, Random Silliness, Siblings.

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