Whether she’s attending a delightful whiskey and tea party in prohibition cellars or has just torn up the dance floor at a secret Habsburg holiday ball, a gentlelady always follows up all events with the issuance of a token letter. This letter is sometimes a simple thank you note, but can occasionally take the form of a more specific apology for certain, albeit inevitable, faux pas, which may include missteps during the waltz, or an escaped burp during the 8th course of a pig roast, or perhaps mistaking another’s husband as her own date.  But regardless of what hilarious antics might have ensued, a gentlelady can rest assured that her presence is always felt during events, and always missed following them.

this is an apology email sent by my friend who went to her ex fiance’s wedding last night in tucson after drinking all day in phoneix at the a big golf tournament…

Dear Bill,
I am deeply sorry for our behavior last night, however I think we added value to the big event. When I grow up and get married you and Missy can return the favor. In case things are cloudy for you this morning I will recap some of the situations we are apologizing for….
1) I am sorry for firing up the screwdrivers  at The Cap’t and at The Garden prior to banging down the church door to say hi and wish you the best of luck.
2) I am sorry for reminding you again that I would not marry you, however Jessie, Charlotte and I really wanted you to jump in the limo and escape with us
3) I am sorry Charlotte did a strip tease to the chx dance, but I think your dad really enjoyed how many times she flashed the crowd.
4) Speaking of your father…tell him I am sorry for shoving shots down his throat right before his big speech. Maybe next time you should get a name tag for your wife so he remembers her name is not Angela.
5) Tell Missy that Jessie is sorry for tossing out her red wine glass on her white satin train. She did really like her dress, but she was teaching you a lesson not to serve shitty cabs at social events.
6) Please also tell Missy I am sorry for out drinking her…she should know better. My intentions were not to make her hug a toilet all evening. Its okay you can have a true wedding night in Fiji.
7) Lastly, I am sorry for my rendition on stage of “wind beneath my wings”. Your college friends did enjoy my added dialogue though.

I would send you my dry cleaning bill for the Ted Baker silk dress I was wearing when Teddy threw me in a fountain, but we are probably even since Missy’s dress was slightly  more expensive. Feel free to send us our portion of the bar bill…that’s the least we can do after ordering excessive amounts of shots for the entire crowd.

I hope you have an amazing honeymoon. Best of luck with your new future!

Thanks for my sweet and sincere letter. I promise I will take into consideration all the comments you have made.

Also, thanks for the Starbucks this morning! It was truly what I needed since I have a hangover similar to the one I had after my high school prom.

If you feel I have left anything off the bullet point list of apologizes, please feel free to add comments. I have to say… I am just relieved not to be apologizing for bringing a date in a speedo or one sporting a mustache.

I will truly miss you!

Love always,

  add 1  RATING: 15

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19 Responses to A Gentlelady Issues a Thank You/Apology Note Following a Wedding

  1. Don Vito Corleone

    Beyond brilliant.

  2. Do we also get to read:

    “my sweet and sincere letter. “

  3. [...] Alyssa Hall, Daisy Marie, Jessica Simpson, Liz Ashley, Pedobear Foggy Monocle update of a wedding guest. This girl is either really classy and like a princess (/sarcasm) or [...]

  4. Well now, that wasn’t worth reading at all

  5. Nothing on this site is, it’s for drunken frat kids who will either
    A) flunk out of college once their brain cells are gone, marry trailer trash, bang out a thousand kinds, and maintain (but not own) a do-it-yourself carwash or
    B) become rich doctors, bankers, politicians, etc., marry some ridiculously hot (probably plastic) chick, have one, maybe two kids who will themselves be drunken frat failures / successes.

    Point being, it’s for guys who never intend to do anything original with their lives. They just wanna live the good life now or later, not live life. Drink up ‘gentlemen’!

  6. That girl is a lush……so she is ok in my books

  7. The Rear Admiral

    In response to ‘an asshole:’

    I agree, a lot of the postings here are just glorified and embellished fratboy antics or the stories of 2L law students riding inflated egos. However, I think most of us are normal and ethical men who are trying to define a new form a gentleman: A gentleman who doesn’t have to conform to the ad-filled pages of GQ nor who has to conform to the blue-collar, good-ol-boy image. We just want to do our jobs, do them well, and get fucked up.

    Now, if your peeve is against drunkenness, then we will not be able to reason with each other.However, if you mean we should be more original, I would like you to give an example of what an ‘original’ gentleman is. Would I qualify? I’m a CPA, I play saxophone and piano, I speak Spanish, German, and Chinese, I like to cook , and I love video games. Do I need to cure cancer to be anymore original?

    And, I was gentleman of the week at one point:

  8. this site sucks and the articles are stupid and unfunny. you try to make your jokes sound classy, and even though i enjoy high-brow humour, so far none of the articles here have managed to get a smile out of me. your attempt at developing a “smart” humor trend has failed. shut this POS down already. thanks.

  9. i forgot who said it, but someone said it best when they mentioned that this site proves how unfunny women are.

  10. I like how an asshole, FAH Q and jim are all the same person.

  11. My only feedback would be that if you don’t like it, why continue reading it? There are plenty of outrageous sites on the internet that should be shut down (your simple minds may find these a little more to your liking). The FM is simply people who can laugh at themselves, sharing their stories. You don’t have to like this site, and I’m pretty sure no one has ever forced you to read it. Find somewhere else to complain, and let the rest of us enjoy the site.

  12. I have to agree partly with “an asshole” but only partly because when this site first started it was hysterical. I loved every post. But for the past 6 months or so its been pretty much the same story over and over again.

    And to defend whoever said this site proves how unfunny women are, obv, being a woman I disagree. I think some of the funniest lately have all been from women and at the very least have been more original than the farting/shitting/throwing up stories that are posted again and again.

  13. an epic woman, to be sure. my hat goes off to her and my hangover curing drink is raised to her….

  14. no one likes a judger “An Asshole” sorry if instead of reading and studying 40 hours a week in college we decided to live our lives before we have to work 7-5 mon-fri for the next 20+ years. and don’t be mad that chances are one of the “lady type” convo’s cheating on their uptight boyfriends was most likely your girlfriend.

  15. It’s frankly AMAZING that the guy didn’t end up marrying her. What was he thinking? A catch like that?

  16. nicetry'anasshole'

    “An Asshole,”

    You can hate on TFM all you would like. Deep down you are just upset that there is a certain breed of men that are able to succeed at life and still have a great time. You are the typical back office clown who is jealous of those than can crank of 90 hour work weeks and still absolutely kill it. Keep on keepin’ on.

  17. Dis you know that the most popular comeback for a woman when insulted or thinks she’s been insulted/threatened is “you’re just jealous!”

    Kind of makes the replies to “An Asshole” even more amusing.

  18. Arthur Fonzarelli

    Spot on, “The Rear Admiral”. If you don’t like it then you can giiiittttttt out.

  19. [...] The Best Wedding Guest Ever – the foggy monocle [...]

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