Whether she’s attending a delightful whiskey and tea party in prohibition cellars or has just torn up the dance floor at a secret Habsburg holiday ball, a gentlelady always follows up all events with the issuance of a token letter. This letter is sometimes a simple thank you note, but can occasionally take the form of a more specific apology for certain, albeit inevitable, faux pas, which may include missteps during the waltz, or an escaped burp during the 8th course of a pig roast, or perhaps mistaking another’s husband as her own date. But regardless of what hilarious antics might have ensued, a gentlelady can rest assured that her presence is always felt during events, and always missed following them.
this is an apology email sent by my friend who went to her ex fiance’s wedding last night in tucson after drinking all day in phoneix at the a big golf tournament…
I am deeply sorry for our behavior last night, however I think we added value to the big event. When I grow up and get married you and Missy can return the favor. In case things are cloudy for you this morning I will recap some of the situations we are apologizing for….
1) I am sorry for firing up the screwdrivers at The Cap’t and at The Garden prior to banging down the church door to say hi and wish you the best of luck.
2) I am sorry for reminding you again that I would not marry you, however Jessie, Charlotte and I really wanted you to jump in the limo and escape with us
3) I am sorry Charlotte did a strip tease to the chx dance, but I think your dad really enjoyed how many times she flashed the crowd.
4) Speaking of your father…tell him I am sorry for shoving shots down his throat right before his big speech. Maybe next time you should get a name tag for your wife so he remembers her name is not Angela.
5) Tell Missy that Jessie is sorry for tossing out her red wine glass on her white satin train. She did really like her dress, but she was teaching you a lesson not to serve shitty cabs at social events.
6) Please also tell Missy I am sorry for out drinking her…she should know better. My intentions were not to make her hug a toilet all evening. Its okay you can have a true wedding night in Fiji.
7) Lastly, I am sorry for my rendition on stage of “wind beneath my wings”. Your college friends did enjoy my added dialogue though.
I would send you my dry cleaning bill for the Ted Baker silk dress I was wearing when Teddy threw me in a fountain, but we are probably even since Missy’s dress was slightly more expensive. Feel free to send us our portion of the bar bill…that’s the least we can do after ordering excessive amounts of shots for the entire crowd.
I hope you have an amazing honeymoon. Best of luck with your new future!
Thanks for my sweet and sincere letter. I promise I will take into consideration all the comments you have made.
Also, thanks for the Starbucks this morning! It was truly what I needed since I have a hangover similar to the one I had after my high school prom.
If you feel I have left anything off the bullet point list of apologizes, please feel free to add comments. I have to say… I am just relieved not to be apologizing for bringing a date in a speedo or one sporting a mustache.
I will truly miss you!