With the summer months approaching, a gentleman may entertain thoughts of slenderizing his usual pear-shaped silhouette to appease the throngs of seaside gentleladies who undoubtedly have been waiting all winter to swoon and fawn over the beach-bound gentleman in his fashionable aqua trousers. However, given  his firm abhorrence to excessive exercise and his legendary appetite for the finest of fried clam shack delicacies, a gentleman can often find that trimming down a bit can be a conflict of interests, and the idea can be abandoned as quickly as he can down a pint of cold ale.

GentlemanJones: boy i need to take a shit bad
GentlemanJones: that bacon egg and cheese breakfast needs to exit
SirDrunkDrake: off the diet?
GentlemanJones: but there’s another dude in the bathroom, only two stalls. I can’t go when some other dude is in there
SirDrunkDrake: why not? fuck it, just bust a loaf out
GentlemanJones: i can’t, stage fright or something
GentlemanJones: diet has been placed on hold for a while
GentlemanJones: on hold until bacon egg and cheeses cease to be so delicious
SirDrunkDrake: thats a good plan
SirDrunkDrake: or until excessive drinking stops mandating the consumption of them the following morning
GentlemanJones: exactly
GentlemanJones: so until those two things stop stonewallin’ and being stubborn, the diet is on hold
SirDrunkDrake: its really out of oyur control
SirDrunkDrake: you can only control what you do
SirDrunkDrake: you can’t control the deliciousness of external factors
GentlemanJones: powerless
GentlemanJones: unless i had this tri-wolf shirt
GentlemanJones: then all its awesome powers would allow both the consumption of the BEC and the diet to exist simultaneously.
SirDrunkDrake: probably
SirDrunkDrake: the wolves would gnaw at your gut all day

RELATED: A Gentleman Maintains His Health

RELATED: A Gentleman Creates a Delicate Diet

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5 Responses to A Gentleman Contemplates A Diet

  1. Sir Nicolas of Greenwich

    Only the Tri-Wolv Shirt can set your mind free from the restraints of modern day ideals of what proper “diet” and “form” should be.

  2. John the Baptist

    The best part of this post is in the Amazon link under: ‘Customers Who Viewed This Item Also Viewed’

    …personal favorite: zubaz pants. Add that pairing to your summer ‘09 wardrobe essentials…

  3. Sir Loin of Beef

    A true gentleman knows that the word “gravitas” should not just refer to his personality.

  4. after you check out the “Customers Who Viewed This Item Also Viewed” you must view the comments/reviews. i spent way too long reading them, and laughing my ass off.

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