When it comes to women-wooing, a gentleman prefers to avoid all cat and mouse games by cutting straight to the chase. Considering Internet dating and flirty repartee the methods of meek men, a gentleman sticks to the tried and trusted tradition of the grand gesture and the age-old sacrifice, taking it upon himself to produce something beautiful and attention-grabbing that truly expresses his obsessive love for the dame he desires. Sure, a handful of these gestures might be a bit off color for some, and could perhaps garner the gentleman a restraining order or, worse yet, land him in The Hague for a most uncomfortable “war crime” tribunal. However, a gentleman has enough hubris to pull off such risky maneuvers, because — above all else — an experienced gentleman lothario knows what women want, and thus there is no risk at all. (We considered naming this post “A Gentleman Is Offensive.” If, however, we do have any politically correct readers — which we seriously doubt — then we implore you to read no further! — Ed.)

Lothario: dude that new transformers trailer looks legit
Romeo: oh i peeped
Lothario: i would suck a turd out of megan foxs ass, have i said that lately?
Romeo: i would suck rea out of her ass thru a straw
Lothario: i would kill you for her
Romeo: i would kill myself for her
Lothario: i would kill 500 puppies barehanded for her
Romeo: i would revive the 500 puppies you killed, just to kill them again for her
Lothario: i would rip every finger and toenail off my body with my teeth for her
Romeo: i would shoot a lethal dose of heroin right before i get behind the wheel of a school bus for her
Lothario: i would purposely contract swine flu, then lick every surface of every elementary school in all 50 states for her
Romeo: i would serve porkchops from infested swine at a charity dinner for holocaust survivors for her
Lothario: i would start a new holocaust for her
Romeo: i would claim that your holocaust never existed for her
Lothario: i would sit through schindlers list for her
Romeo: i would reboot schindlers list in color from a nazi perspective for her
Lothario: i would have michael bay direct it and have vin diesel play schindler for her
Romeo: i would never watch another episode of lost for her
Lothario: and we have a winner, congratulations
Romeo: hahahaha

Related Posts:

A Gentleman is a Modern Day Romeo

A Gentleman Issues a Flowered Apology


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7 Responses to A Gentleman Woos Megan Fox

  1. FleshArrowGentleman

    This is irrefutable evidence that chivalry has not died after all. Spoken well, lads!

  2. EPIC

  3. [...] whole post is available at TheFoggyMonocle. Tuesday, May 5th, 2009 [...]

  4. I say, top notch! Absolutely perfect winning volley. However, “i would serve porkchops from infested swine at a charity dinner for holocaust survivors for her” is so unbelievably illogical – how could you infect someone through something they won’t eat?

  5. Arthur Fonzarelli

    Hypothetically speaking, a gentleman could ingest his own swine flu infested pork chops and then harvest the defecation. Regardless of the aforementioned shite’s state of matter, a gentlemen could then serve this dish in disguise. Therefore bypassing the religious “hang-ups” of a certain “chosen people”. Hypothetically speaking, that is.

  6. I'll take Brian Austin Green instead

    It doesn’t matter anyway. You can’t get swine flu from eating pork. Eat away, Holocaust survivors!

    PS This was hilarious, and I am so, so gay.

  7. [...] The jokers at bring your instant message conversations back to life for the whole wide web to enjoy and we appreciate the hell out of them for it. Below is a snipit of what two fellows would do for the lovely Megan Fox. You can read the entire exchange HERE. [...]

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