Archive for May, 2009

With the summer months approaching, a gentleman may entertain thoughts of slenderizing his usual pear-shaped silhouette to appease the throngs of seaside gentleladies who undoubtedly have been waiting all winter to swoon and fawn over the beach-bound gentleman in his fashionable aqua trousers. However, given  his firm abhorrence to excessive exercise and his legendary appetite [...]

 

By evening’s end, when the champion gentleman has braved the treacherous rapids of revelry, explored all whistle-wetting options in a 30-mile radius and been asked to kindly vacate the premises by beastly bartenders, the only task that remains on his smorgasbord of a to-do list is to satisfy his insatiable hunger with a delectable meal [...]

 

A gentleman is often admired and revered for his innovative thinking and opinionated ideas, though sometimes his unconventionality and wayward willingness to go against the grain of society will put him at odds with certain authority figures. But can a gentleman really be blamed or penalized for falling victim to his own overenthusiastic passion for [...]

 

A gentleman never trembles in the presence of greatness because the gentleman is always the greatest man in the room. However, should a silver screen legend grace a party, a gentleman always feels compelled to thank him for his years of service to the entertainment industry. Unlike the rabid fans who rush to the feet [...]

 

A Gentleman Loses His Way

May 21st, 2009

Following a long, adventurous afternoon of relaxation, regalement and riotous revelry, a weary and otherwise zonked gentleman is keen to beckon the driver of his horseless chariot to deliver him to his residence, regardless of how close it may be to the watering hole at which he has held extended court. However, surprises abound at [...]

 

While most seasoned jetsetters bitch and moan about the fading glory of international travel, lamenting the loss of the Concorde and uneasily eyeing the hordes of budget-minded blowhards with whom they must share an aircraft, tour bus or gypsy cab, a gentleman takes the modern state of communal boarder crossings in style, even adding his [...]

 

Waking up day after day with a foggy monocle precariously wedged into his zygomatic bone affords the gentleman a perspective on the world that is both wise and prescient, a permanent outlook of the future that demands excellence and foresees nothing but successful tomfoolery. Though jumping to hasty conclusions and making seemingly-brash judgement calls may [...]

 

A gentlelady’s timing, like every other maneuver in her classy arsenal, is simply sublime. Always the one to arrive fashionably late, scream “shots!” at the perfect hour or tenderly whisper in her date’s ear, “pull out now or I’ll fucking cut you,” a gentlelady is capable of delicately derailing any evening and, like a [...]

 

Judging by the gentleman’s vast stable of priceless toys and trinkets, it’s no secret that he enjoys his fair share of accouterments. However, the gentleman knows that the only way to truly stand out from his fellow, well-heeled art-collectors, car-enthusiasts and gear heads is by customizing his own collection, thus making it truly one-of-a-kind. And [...]

 

When courting a potential candidate for coitus, a gentleman has certain, albeit limited, criteria that he must identify and witness before allowing the romance to proceed. It goes something as thus: Does her delicate image and stunning beauty set his heart aflutter? Check. Does she have a proper credentials proving her legal age limit (depending [...]