No matter how grand his nocturnal gallivanting, any gentleman who switches to blacked out autopilot before the night is through immediately awakes the following morning in a panic-stricken sweat, wondering what sins his white gloved hands may have committed. Springing to his feet, he quickly checks his person for blemishes, scars, extracted organs and STDs swarming his genital area. Once the gentleman gives himself a clean bill of health, it’s on to more pertinent matters, such as searching his room for pools of vomit, squatting vagrants and even dead bodies, as well as signing, sealing and mailing his stack of preemptively penned apology notes to friends, family and prominent city officials. However, there are those rare blackouts when a gentleman achieves utter perfection, when his seemingly incapacitated self miraculously crosses every “T” and dots every “i,” collects Get Out Of Jail Free cards at every corner, dazzles, delights and deceives, only to awake hours later, eager to enjoy the fruits of his unconscious labors. It is these once in a blue moon mornings when a gentleman can kick back and proclaim, “Damn it feels good to be a gentleman.”

BigBlackout: got so shit hammered last night
BigBlackout: btw
RegaledRoommate: hahahahaha
BigBlackout: i cannot even tell you
BigBlackout: game over
BigBlackout: i woke up in the thompson hotel
RegaledRoommate: shut the fuck up
BigBlackout: this morning
BigBlackout: like what the fuck?
RegaledRoommate: you are hilar
BigBlackout: hahahahhaa
RegaledRoommate: I guess that makes sense, cause I don’t remember hearing you come in last night
RegaledRoommate: did you just go check in?
RegaledRoommate: or was someone staying there?
BigBlackout: i checked in the with this girl at 3 AM apparently
BigBlackout: “do you have any bags sir?”
BigBlackout: no
BigBlackout: no i do not!
RegaledRoommate: you are my hero
RegaledRoommate: so proud…wiping a tear away
BigBlackout: on sunday night no less
RegaledRoommate: good lord
BigBlackout: i woke up this morning, ordered an omelet to my room, didn’t eat it, checked out and went to work
RegaledRoommate: hahaha, well done
RegaledRoommate: i take it there was sake involved in this?
BigBlackout: there is always sake involved in nights like that
BigBlackout: sake @ bond street
BigBlackout: lots of it
BigBlackout: it is the crazy juice
RegaledRoommate: hell yes
BigBlackout: they were pouring it like it was fucking water
RegaledRoommate: naturally
BigBlackout: and it went down so smoothhh
RegaledRoommate: always does
RegaledRoommate: i thought maybe you were calling in sick
RegaledRoommate: turns out you were just calling in awesome

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2 Responses to A Gentleman Pulls Off The Perfect Blackout

  1. Ah, the cycle of boom and bust. Always encountered with a particular volatility on the sandy beaches of Blackout Island. Speaking as a gentleman who met his last three girlfriends, and received the errant black eye, whilst on this boozy atoll, I raise a drink.
    Nights such as this make a jaundiced eye retain its glint.

  2. Holy shit! I just stumbled upon this blog a few weeks ago and you have not let me down since I’ve tuned in. My fine ladies and I have really great stories to tell. Do you think you’ll ever post any?

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