Archive for April, 2009

Given that a gentlelady takes such impeccable care of herself, it’s only natural that doctors would seek to present her astounding anatomy. Examining her intimate, inner-workings stands to not only advance science itself, but to demonstrate just what the human body can endure in terms of vice-consumption. Of course being full of booze and bravado, [...]


Each morning a gentleman arises, he’s forced to answer the improbable question: “Pray tell, where did I vomit last night?” But unlike the common man, whose weak stomach would go queasy at the thought of a rogue splattering and whose feeble mind would surely buckle under such uncertain circumstances, a gentleman addresses the situation with [...]


Though a gentleman staunchly refuses to acknowledge the birth certificates of his myriad offspring, or, for that matter, pay child support, play catch, take a paternity test or wear a condom, doesn’t mean he isn’t an expert when it comes to good, old fashioned parenting. Stumbling through a sunlit town in the hazy wake of [...]


It’s no myth that a gentleman is a man of action. When thirsty, he drops whatever he’s doing and makes haste to the nearest bodega to procure the finest of canned beers. When aroused, he immediately logs on to the most titillating of erotic websites, be he remotely surfing from the privacy of his bedroom [...]


A Gentleman is Convincing

April 29th, 2009

With the sponge of his brain perpetually soaked with spirits and his synapses firing constantly in response to nicotine and other stimulants, it comes as no surprise that a gentleman is truly canny when debating logistics on any topic that advances his own agenda. Whether he’s crafting expert-level soduku puzzles on his bar stool, solving [...]


When the weather heats up, there’s nothing a gentleman prefers more than shedding his top coat, donning his Bermuda shorts and saddling up at an outdoor bar to drink copiously alfresco. Knowing, however, that he must first earn his thirst before doing any whistle-wetting (and being fully aware that his license is still suspended), a [...]


When sailing the seas of liquor, a gentleman captain is always on the lookout for that rouge wave of a gentlelady, who out of nowhere will rise high above the lesser females to rock the boat like its never been rocked before. The gentleman — like Poseidon himself — would find difficulty conjuring such an [...]


Since the dawn of man, gentlemen have always sought sacred locales in which to escape the plight of commoners and truly devote themselves to the higher calling of gentlemanliness. In modern times, that role has sat squarely on the shoulders of Las Vegas, where smart and sophisticated gents the world over can gamble away their [...]


A gentleman’s mind is not unlike his imported sports car: it is incredibly fast, highly specialized, is phenomenally expensive yet invaluable (to employers), and can change directions on a dime at the slightest whim or fancy, vectoring off onto a completely different course with the slightest provocation. A gentleman may begin a delightful conversation pontificating [...]


How does a gentleman become more of a gentleman you ask? Well, indeed it is tough to improve on perfection, but incorporating an indestructible exoskeleton equipped with an arsenal of high-powered explosives couldn’t hurt. As the modern version of a knight in shining armor, this technological advancement would enhance the efficiency at which he accomplishes [...]