When a gentleman is cut off from employment, his schedule opens up considerably, allowing him to accomplish time-consuming tasks that were heretofore constantly put on the back burner. Suddenly, building that fireside den he’s always coveted, outfitting his Bentley with nitrous boosters for illegal street racing, perfecting his air guitar skills and devoting more time to drinking the most delicious of canned Mexican beers all enter the realm of possibility. Of course the gentleman is more than happy to use his new freedom to dedicate himself to self-improvement, and thus — with his best mate serving as a sidekick — he goes rogue, embarking on a quest of mighty self-indulgence and excess, dodging the mortar fire of public opinion and adult expectations, and ambling from one bender to the next. As we say in Monocle Land, top notch, top notch!

ShackledGman: how you feelin today?
ChevysChevalier: extremely bad
ShackledGman: me too…i just want more sleep
ChevysChevalier: my brain may be dead
ShackledGman: woops
ChevysChevalier: so much drinking …
ShackledGman: i rested yesterday
ChevysChevalier: I was going to
ChevysChevalier: but Swenson* and I were swapping out my car battery and decided to stop at Chevy’s, of all places, at like noon for some god forsaken reason
ChevysChevalier: Swenson* had never had a Pacifico
ShackledGman: i take it he liked it?
ChevysChevalier: so he tries one and, of course, deems it delicious
ChevysChevalier: and, given that we are both unemployed, we have 8 each
ChevysChevalier: until the Russian barmaid cuts us off because you are not allowed to have more than 8 drinks a person at a Chevy’s
ShackledGman: thats lame
ChevysChevalier: I can’t decide what is more depressing — that I learned what the cutoff limit is at Chevy’s, or that I wasn’t even remotely drunk after 8 beers
ChevysChevalier: So at this point Swenson* is all into the Pacifico
ShackledGman: it is delish!
ChevysChevalier: and we grab a 12 pack from teeter
ChevysChevalier: then we go back and put my battery back in
ChevysChevalier: by the time we stumbled through that, it is like 7pm and we are hungry
ChevysChevalier: so we decide we are gonna get $5 footlongs from Subway
ShackledGman: (I’ll now be singing that song all afternoon)
ChevysChevalier: but, on the way there, we see Jay’s and decide that it is a way better option because they have food, drinks and we can smoke indoors
ChevysChevalier: we were absolutely swilling pitchers and Wild Turkey shots and Swenson* was eyeballing some yuppie dudes
ShackledGman: uh oh, he make an ass out of himself?
ChevysChevalier: he was like, “I hate those yuppie fucks!”
ChevysChevalier: I had to remind him that they were dressed exactly as we would have been when we had jobs, which made him hate them even more for likely having jobs
ChevysChevalier: those guys were also with like 4 chicks the likes of which Jay’s had never seen
ChevysChevalier: thus further exacerbating Swenson’s* hatred
ShackledGman: they just had to rub the old, “we have jobs and make sex” in your face, didn’t they?
ChevysChevalier: Swenson* finally freaked out because one of the yuppies was “ice grilling” him — a term that I think he made up on the spot just so he could get in a fight — and we had to leave.
ChevysChevalier: A proud day for us and our families.
ChevysChevalier: also, we looked like homeless people by that time (circa midnight/1am-ish)
ShackledGman: Amazing. yall were a vision i’m sure
ChevysChevalier: if I had a job I would have had to call out today
ShackledGman: lucky for you, you do not have that problem

Filed under: Uncategorized.

  add 1  RATING: 6