Super Bowl Sunday usually begins much like any other Sunday in the gentleman’s agenda, and after getting out of bed mid-afternoon and shaking off the horrors of the previous evening with a stiff eye-opening cocktail, the gentleman will realize that this Sunday is one of the greatest days of sports competition of the year, and he had better place his order for wings immediately. With a fit of confidence, the gentleman will quickly increase wagers that were never made and vow to drink excessively to increase the chances of his favored team to win. Once settled in his easy chair, surrounded by his best gentlemen and the most refreshing of canned beers, the gentleman will spend the next few hours verbally challenging the referees, insulting play calls, and deftly identifying the most attractive cheerleaders. When all is said and done, a gentleman is more than happy to drink to the victory of whichever team won the great battle, if he should sustain consciousness during the ordeal.
Superfan: what time is kickoff on sunday?
Superfan: and what time should i show up to your place?
ConsummateHost: i’m starting to drink at about noon, the game isn’t until 7 or so.
ConsummateHost: I’m serving this as an hors d’oeuvre: Bacon Explosion
ConsummateHost: hmmm hmmmm my good man?
Superfan: that looks incredible, I think my arteries just licked their lips
ConsummateHost: figured eating it should give you something to do while you’re not watching the game
ConsummateHost: and hopefully curtail your drinking
ConsummateHost: Mary and I do not want a repeat performance of last year
Superfan: i was perfectly behaved last year
ConsummateHost: No you weren’t
ConsummateHost: you brought a beer bong and a megaphone. you clearly overdrank yourself
Superfan: oh and you didn’t enjoy the funnel?
ConsummateHost: Mary said she was more than a little nervous for Sunday — last year you got her bed all muddy with your shoes while screaming shit out the window at Giants fans. she was pissed
Superfan: psshaww, only a slight departure from my usually flawless behavior
ConsummateHost: do you even know who is playing in it this year?
Superfan: steelers and some other team
Superfan: expansion team right?
Superfan: isnt that a baseball team?
Superfan: who cares
Superfan: ok well listen
Superfan: i’m going to be in CT all day for my girlfriend’s nephew’s birthday party
Superfan: little guy is turning one
Superfan: total grouch, one of those kids that looks like a little old man
ConsummateHost: is he benjamin button?
Superfan: totally, and i love the little rascal
Superfan: but there is no way he’s holding me back from first dibs on that meat log
Superfan: or any of the other sweet action happening at your place
Superfan: so i will leave that party early if need be
ConsummateHost: can you get there by 5? that bacon explosion thing will be popping out of the oven
Superfan: sure, I’ll crush up some ambien in his sippy cup of apple juice so he passes out early if need be
ConsummateHost: hahaha, rub some red wine on his gums
Superfan: and i’ll pack some cocktails for the train ride so I’m not lagging behind you guys
ConsummateHost: a well thought out scheme
Superfan: see you sunday
Superfan: for the world series or whatever the hell you call it