It’s only natural that gentlemen — having accrued knowledge and wisdom far beyond their years — be in charge of instructing our nation’s impressionable youth. Gentlemen, however, often have aspirations that the limited realm of academia can’t possibly satisfy, and thus they abandon their true calling in favor of pastures only the barroom, the married woman’s bedroom and, consequently, the courtroom can provide. In their absence, children everywhere are sadly left to waste away under improper tutelage, until, one fateful day, a pioneering gentleman puts his foot down, saying, “enough with politicians and their blatant disregard for academic funding, it’s time I remove these white gloves and take matters into my own hands!” Immediately skipping out on his bar tab, the gentleman will come running back to the academy of his youth like some caped-crusader, eager to mold its fresh-faced children in his own luminous image. Fear not, for as long as there is a gentleman leading the class and tending the blackboard, our nation’s future remains secured!

ClassClown: slow day on the chain today?
SchoolMaster: yeah man
SchoolMaster: did you hear Chase* was exonerated of his DUI charges?
ClassClown: hahaha how?
SchoolMaster: officer never filed the deposition, and since it was over 90 days it gets thrown out
ClassClown: hahahaha this country is ridiculous
SchoolMaster: no fine or charges or anything
ClassClown: god bless america
SchoolMaster: he said he felt like he was R Kelly
ClassClown: hahaha
SchoolMaster: the funny thing is he forgot to tell the principal of the school that he’d be missing class for court
SchoolMaster: because he was so hungover from pissing himself this weekend
ClassClown: haha oh my god he is a disaster
SchoolMaster: so his classes had no substitutes to teach his 7th and 8th grade
ClassClown: this story keeps getting better
SchoolMaster: yeah after saturday night when i got my shirt torn open he went back to Jones’* to sleep
SchoolMaster: woke up with his pants hanging in the shower and his phone broken from peeing himself
SchoolMaster: had to go coach his 7th and 8th grade hoops team and was still hammered
SchoolMaster: so he puked in the girls bathroom so none of the boys on his team would see him
ClassClown: haha he is the worst
SchoolMaster: he said he still has not had one truly happy day his whole life
ClassClown: hahahaha

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