So stealth-like and charming are his methods of seduction, that oftentimes a gentleman stumbles into the loving embrace of a stunned female without her fully knowing what happened. Sensible enough not look a gift horse in the mouth (or call the authorities), said female will resign herself to enjoying this beautiful bauble for the time being, indulging her sexual whims with a man obviously trained in the art of casual romance. And yet suddenly, the female’s affection for her part-time lover grows deeper and her attraction more animalistic, leaving her at a loss as she sits breathless in a state of post-coitus exhaustion. Of course the gentleman understands the transformation taking place within his dumbfounded partner’s heart, and — not one to take the modest route – he quickly and bombastically boasts (citing stats, measurements, skills and various fortunes) in order to explain why she’s fallen under his intoxicating spell.

McLovinstein: you can’t get enough of me huh?
FutureJAP: guilty
McLovinstein: ( . Y . ) ~~~<===8
FutureJAP: haha those are my titties?
FutureJAP: you are quite the ar-tist
McLovinstein: i know
FutureJAP: i knew that “Invisible City” painting you did was GAY
FutureJAP: more like “Invisible Gay City”
McLovinstein: you ok over there?
FutureJAP: not really
McLovinstein: don’t hate me because i’m awesome and can paint like your dreams
FutureJAP: im delirious from withdrawal
McLovinstein: from Penis the Menace?
FutureJAP: that…and your dumb ass
FutureJAP: ur bulbous ass to be exact
FutureJAP: I cant help it Jew. You put ur Jew spell on me
McLovinstein: i do that to bitches, it’s a gift
FutureJAP: what’s happening to me?
FutureJAP: i must be hormonal right now
FutureJAP: gonna get the red devil at the end of next week
FutureJAP: maybe that’s it
FutureJAP: but im so
FutureJAP: grossly in love with you
FutureJAP: like…why do i want to play with you all the time?
FutureJAP: this isnt normal
FutureJAP: im losing it
McLovinstein: ill tell you why
McLovinstein: a) im awesome – no way around it
McLovinstein: b) i got a dope WrinkleBeast, its beautiful, it really is
McLovinstein: c) i make bomb chili
McLovinstein: d) my ballz are sweet
McLovinstein: e) i have back pimples, and you’re easily amused
McLovinstein: f) i let you hotbox me once without hitting you or throwing you out of the bed
McLovinstein: g) i make it rain
McLovinstein: h) I name my abstract artwork after played out Wallflowers songs and then hang them on my wall (you love the Wallflowers and it was the 90’s, get over it)
McLovinstein: i) i can dance, not really, but on enough X you think I can dance, hence my moves are tight
McLovinstein: j) im world renown for my 300 impersonation
McLovinstein: k) i like ice cream
McLovinstein: l) i have a dog and you want her, but you’ll never get her. but then one day…you get her
McLovinstein: m) my farts wake you up
McLovinstein: n) your farts don’t wake me up
McLovinstein: o) my mother works for tiffany and your a gold diggin’ prosteee
FutureJAP: hahahahahahahahahaha
FutureJAP: omg
FutureJAP: keep going
FutureJAP: i want the whole alphabet
McLovinstein: p) my music selection is far better then yours, so essentially you’re using me for my beats
McLovinstein: q) i wear my nike dunks when i slay you
McLovinstein: r) i wear my Jets santa hat when i slay you
McLovinstein: s) did i mentiom sex?
McLovinstein: t) i play the meanest air guitar out of anyone you know
McLovinstein: u) im nicer when im stoned
McLovinstein: v) i’m also weirder
McLovinstein: w) i know when you’re stoned before you even pick up the phone
FutureJAP: hahahah keep going!
McLovinstein: x) i work for a hedge fund and you think im gonna make money and take care of your dumb ass, except i dont really work for one so jokes on you
McLovinstein: y) why am i doing this?
McLovinstein: z) because im awesome
FutureJAP: that was pure poetry
FutureJAP: and what did we learn from all of this?
FutureJAP: You’re a retarded big headed Jew
FutureJAP: and im just as dumb for loving you

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