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RSSA Gentleman Procures an Unreasonably Priced Lunch
December 3rd, 2008
A gentleman is accustomed to long leisurely liquored luncheons during the workday, but when important business meetings leave him in a pinch for time, the gentleman is forced to forgo the luxury of table service and grab a quick bite from a local delicatessen or gas station. However, the normal flick of the wrist with instructions to “put it on my tab” does not work in such simple establishments, and the gentleman will come face-to-face with the cruel reality of the unreasonably high bill. In such circumstances, a savvy cashier will recognize that the gentleman is indeed out of his element, and may make a pathetic and futile bid to pacify him and win his future business by offering additional value to the already astronomic price.
ScammedMan: ok, so get this
ScammedMan: today, i didn’t have much time in between meetings
ScammedMan: so i went down to Blimpie to get a sub
SubwayDiner: yeah?
ScammedMan: just a basic footlong turkey
ScammedMan: they call them “giant”
ScammedMan: no frills
SubwayDiner: what do you mean no frills
SubwayDiner: what did u have on it?
ScammedMan: just turkey and cheese and lettuce, tomato
ScammedMan: no double bacon or bbq chicken or nuthin
ScammedMan: and a drink
ScammedMan: and she rang it up it was $11.50
ScammedMan: i was aghast
SubwayDiner: that’s insane
SubwayDiner: i can do a sub at subway with all the trimmings
SubwayDiner: chips
SubwayDiner: coke
SubwayDiner: and two cookies
SubwayDiner: for $8
ScammedMan: no shit, it’s $5 footlongs at subway right now!
SubwayDiner: exactly
ScammedMan: so i started arguing with her
ScammedMan: she’s explaining the pricing, i’m heated and pissed
SubwayDiner: so, it’s your fault for choosing the cheap imitator
ScammedMan: and finally i said “fine, fuck it!” and forked over the 12 bucks
ScammedMan: but she then gave me two free cookies and some lame frequent sub card
ScammedMan: so i sort of left with some semblance of reparation
SubwayDiner: you were compensated…
SubwayDiner: but adequately?
SubwayDiner: what was her reasoning behind the absurd price of the meal?
ScammedMan: there was no reasoning
ScammedMan: except that it was written on the board
ScammedMan: it was written 999
ScammedMan: i thought that was the calorie count
ScammedMan: not the goddamn price!
SubwayDiner: well sure. 999 calaroies is totally acceptable
SubwayDiner: it’s needed for strength
SubwayDiner: but it is not a satisfactory price
SubwayDiner: how do they hope to be competitive against a bohemouth that not only produces $5 footlongs
SubwayDiner: but also has an arsenal of “sandwich artists” cranking those suckers out?
SubwayDiner: totally insane
ScammedMan: I am enraged
ScammedMan: shocking, completely shocking
SubwayDiner: that said
SubwayDiner: this health kick Susan’s got me on
SubwayDiner: is leaving me pretty envious of you right now, regardless of the fact that you got scammed
SubwayDiner: i had a rice cake, a pear and a sad looking turkey sandwich for lunch
SubwayDiner: washed it all down with a glass of water
SubwayDiner: sucks
December 3rd, 2008 at 7:09 am
I read an article, once, about the method Subway uses when arranging their cheese. They arrange the triangles point to point so the customer is encouraged to order extra cheese. It’s in their corporate policy.
In response, I always order all of the vegetables and all of the dressings on each of my sub just to maximize value.
I also eat the wrapper.
December 4th, 2008 at 11:45 am
I feel his rage. There’s a blimpie right behind my apartment, thus, I’m forced to eat there often. And it is indeed absurdly priced. I had the exact same experience, except I’m a nice person, so I didn’t tear into the cashier. But if you get free cookies out of it, I might have to put on a disguise (since they see me all the time) and give that a try.
December 8th, 2008 at 10:06 am
This post is not befitting of the Foggy Monocle in the least. I am shocked, and appalled, at the lack of wherewithal displayed by the two of these small caliber lightweights. If men were dominoes, you sirs, would be the double blank.
January 8th, 2009 at 2:58 pm
Blimpie is mad better than Subway though. Subway smells like feet.