Due to a handy concoction of various legal caveats, diplomatic immunity, good standing with local judges and his own superiority, a gentleman rarely has to defend his questionable actions in a court of law. However, sometimes the gentleman’s behavior is so dastardly, that even he must be tried in a civil court, lest the commoners rise up in an angry mob and attempt to soil the gentleman’s fine Italian threads by tar and feathering him and running him out of town. And so it is with a heavy heart that the local magistrate – in a bid to uphold the peace – tracks the gentleman down at his usual speak easy, where he can be found swilling greyhounds and regaling awed onlookers with tales of arctic expeditions and South Pacific sex holidays. Once he’s read him his rights, the magistrate takes his gentleman friend into custody, shedding a tear while gently lowering him into the police cruiser so as not to spill his beverage. And yet, despite these adverse conditions, you can bet your coattails the gentleman clears his name and regains his honor with a swift display of his incredible, superhuman powers.

Judge: hi John*
Lawyer: hi Tom*
Judge: hows life treatin you
Lawyer: pretty well, yourself?
Judge: ugh
Judge: definitely have felt better before
Lawyer: got a case of the mondays?
Judge: yea something like that
Judge: a case of the hangover thanks to the wedding festivities
Lawyer: i’ll take your case.
Lawyer: Your Honor. Good morning. I’m here in front of the court today to discuss the matter of Mr. Nedermier’s hangover.
Judge: you may proceed
Lawyer: Thank you. Your honor, Marriage is a time tested, sacred institution in this country. It’s currently under attack from all sides by those who would seek to make it a tax-break for the sausage lovers. Mr. Nedermier was partaking in a wedding celebration to bolster the moral fabric of our society, and for this he must suffer the slings and arrows of outrageous head and stomach aches? Do we want the country go to Gay? I didn’t think so.
Judge: what do you propose we do?
Lawyer: Your honor, my client is prepared to drop the hangover under the condition that a written apology accompany.
Judge: you want the church and gays to apologize?
Lawyer: No sir. The church has done nothing wrong here.
Lawyer: The gays as well, we’ll leave them out. It’s hearsay and misdirection to accuse them of the hangover.
Judge: no, SIR?
Judge: excuse me?
Lawyer: Simply clarifying for the court my intentions, your honor.
Judge: thats it. bailiff take this man away. i’m holding you in contempt, Mr. Nedermier.
Lawyer: Your Honor, please. I can assure you I meant no disrespect to yourself or the Court. I am a humble man pleading the case of another who was wronged by the system. Please accept my deepest apologies.
Judge: apologize all you want in that jail cell, young man. take him away!
Lawyer: fuck this court, get your hands off me bailiff. do you know who i am? [pulls of face and shirt]. i’m superman. [laser visions the judge and takes to the sky]. later bitches.
Judge: case closed.

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7 Responses to A Gentleman Is Not Beholden To A Case Of The Mondays

  1. buried for being stupid and in poor taste

  2. this one is lame city, maryland.

  3. This is contrived nonsense. Uncomfortable to read. Not foggy monocle material.

  4. Facts: contrived nonsense, uncomfortable to read, poor taste, lame city
    Procedural Posture: trial court dismissed for summary judgment
    Issue: whether the article is FM quality
    Judgment: reversed and remanded
    Holding: The submission is not FM quality
    Reasoning: the article lacks the intellectual wit and superiority

  5. I concur with my fellow gentleman. This post is lame.

  6. One thing a gentleman never does is repeat ad nauseam things lesser men have said. Take your daily medicine of whiskey with whiskey, chorus of naysayers, smoke a generous pipe of the finest Virginny tobacco and then share your true thoughts. Only through the lens of a properly fogged monocle can a gentleman make true judgements.

    Ps – My poop could write better IM conversations than the above. In fact, you’re reading the work of my poop right now.

  7. Horrible and saddening. I weep for our kind.

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