Dearest Cougars

September 25th, 2008

No matter how dismissive he treats a carnal affair with a mature woman, there’s no denying that a young gentleman loves the company of cougars. So advanced is the fledgling gentleman’s sexual appetite that only an experienced woman with countless conquests notched in her weathered belt can keep up with his boundless exuberance for filthy romps. For example, to suggest such professional maneuvers as reverse cowgirl whilst watching randy cinema with a young, uninitiated gal is to know true shame. The horror! But when paired up with a cougar possessing an equally deviant mind, all a gentleman gets is green lights. Thus, sweet cougars, though a gentleman may throw you under the bus when discoursing amongst friends, know that in his heart of hearts he carries a torch for you as well as harbors a secret boner.

WideEyedBoy: who are you bangin these days?
CougarToy: last fuck was….uh…over a week ago. a week from last sunday
CougarToy: fucked this woman that i’ve been fucking on and off for 2 years
WideEyedBoy: nice
WideEyedBoy: “woman”
WideEyedBoy: who?
CougarToy: i met her in the park two summers ago
CougarToy: this, uh, older woman
CougarToy: she’s an architect
WideEyedBoy: nice
WideEyedBoy: how old?
CougarToy: um.
CougarToy: 39, i think
WideEyedBoy: hahah
CougarToy: that or 40 or 41
WideEyedBoy: cougar
CougarToy: i’m not entirely sure right now
WideEyedBoy: man, how these hot, smart women are still single is beyond me
CougarToy: well, she’s hot, but not that hot
CougarToy: and she’s smart, but not that smart
CougarToy: and she’s annoying
CougarToy: as fuck
WideEyedBoy: hahahah
CougarToy: but she’s a great fuck
CougarToy: when i’m horny, it seems great
CougarToy: right now, it makes me want to vomit
WideEyedBoy: yeah
WideEyedBoy: i hate that moment of clarity
CougarToy: i know…the sober light

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