Despite his jovial nature, work is no laughing matter to a gentleman. No laughing matter indeed! For a gentleman lives by the gentleman’s credo: “For every highball I swill, I will increase my company’s profits by ten-fold!” Thus, following an evening — or a 24-hour period for that matter — of excessive imbibing, a professional gentleman will not allow himself the luxury of sleeping in and missing precious hours of profit producing business. Rather, he’ll forego conventional sleep, instead recharging the batteries with a brief respite in E.R. before napping with his homeless, alcoholic brethren in a city park conveniently located near his looming office.
SleeplessGMan: so i went to the hospital last night?
AmazedMan: Hahahaha, are you asking me?
SleeplessGMan: i guess. i came to in a gurney in a hallway
SleeplessGMan: ripped off the bracelet they attached to my wrist and just peaced on my own will
AmazedMan: Have you examined yourself?
AmazedMan: What is the last thing you remember before that?
SleeplessGMan: i remember screaming HMO! HMO! patient privacy!!
SleeplessGMan: bc they wanted to call my parents
SleeplessGMan: then i was restrained
SleeplessGMan: and had a personal security guard watching me
SleeplessGMan: carl was his name
SleeplessGMan: nice guy as i recall
SleeplessGMan: we talked about the yankees sucking
AmazedMan: Nice. So what were you doing before, like where and with who were you drinking with?
SleeplessGMan: i had a company outing yesterday
SleeplessGMan: started drinking at 1
SleeplessGMan: big mistake
SleeplessGMan: coronas were going down like sports water
AmazedMan: Are you still employed?
SleeplessGMan: indeed, miraculously
SleeplessGMan: when i came in, at 9:30 nonetheless
SleeplessGMan: they had a bacon egg and cheese on on everything bagel waiting for me
SleeplessGMan: i felt like royalty
AmazedMan: How considerate.
SleeplessGMan: i thanked everyone and then they thanked me for the show i put on last night
AmazedMan: Hahahhah, did you inquire what this “show” consisted of?
SleeplessGMan: no and i cant exactly recall my actions
AmazedMan: You should have asked Carl what you were doing like “Listen, Carl……shoot me straight. Was I getting weird?”
SleeplessGMan: but the lore says i was dominating flip cup at this bar, which was pretty sweet btw and weshould totally go there some night
SleeplessGMan: by night’s end everyone wanted to go so i just started slamming any and every cup of beer left unattended on the bar
SleeplessGMan: then i remember coming to at 6:30 am, sitting up in bed, realizing carl had absconded, and making my escape
SleeplessGMan: ripped off the braclet, hailed a cab, and went to penn
AmazedMan: Hahhahahha. Nice.
SleeplessGMan: upon realizing the next train home was departing at 8:08 am, and the train i take to work is the 8:02, i knew my night had ended and I needed a shower
AmazedMan: Are you home or at work?
SleeplessGMan: struggling at work
SleeplessGMan: but im not done yet
AmazedMan: Ok, continue…
SleeplessGMan: so i called amanda and was like “long story short, can i shower at your place?” which i did
SleeplessGMan: then rode the subway to Madison Square Park
SleeplessGMan: napped on a bench like a homeless person until 9, went to this clothing store and bought an outfit for the day, from head to toe.
SleeplessGMan: not gonna lie, these are my first pair of crocs and i like them
SleeplessGMan: also picked up some levis
AmazedMan: wow I picture you wearing what I wore to my first day of school in 4th grade.
AmazedMan: So has anyone made any comments to you yet or no?
SleeplessGMan: no, and if management inquires I’ll just calmly say, “listen guys, I know ok, I was there. And if I somehow forgot this hangover is here to remind me.”