Despite his jovial nature, work is no laughing matter to a gentleman. No laughing matter indeed! For a gentleman lives by the gentleman’s credo: “For every highball I swill, I will increase my company’s profits by ten-fold!” Thus, following an evening — or a 24-hour period for that matter — of excessive imbibing, a professional gentleman will not allow himself the luxury of sleeping in and missing precious hours of profit producing business. Rather, he’ll forego conventional sleep, instead recharging the batteries with a brief respite in E.R. before napping with his homeless, alcoholic brethren in a city park conveniently located near his looming office.

SleeplessGMan: yo

SleeplessGMan: so i went to the hospital last night?

AmazedMan: Hahahaha, are you asking me?

SleeplessGMan: i guess. i came to in a gurney in a hallway

SleeplessGMan: ripped off the bracelet they attached to my wrist and just peaced on my own will

AmazedMan: What?

AmazedMan: Have you examined yourself?

SleeplessGMan: no

AmazedMan: What is the last thing you remember before that?

SleeplessGMan: i remember screaming HMO! HMO! patient privacy!!

SleeplessGMan: bc they wanted to call my parents

SleeplessGMan: then i was restrained

SleeplessGMan: and had a personal security guard watching me

SleeplessGMan: carl was his name

SleeplessGMan: nice guy as i recall

SleeplessGMan: we talked about the yankees sucking

AmazedMan: Nice. So what were you doing before, like where and with who were you drinking with?

SleeplessGMan: i had a company outing yesterday

SleeplessGMan: started drinking at 1

SleeplessGMan: big mistake

SleeplessGMan: coronas were going down like sports water

AmazedMan: Are you still employed?

SleeplessGMan: indeed, miraculously

SleeplessGMan: when i came in, at 9:30 nonetheless

SleeplessGMan: they had a bacon egg and cheese on on everything bagel waiting for me

SleeplessGMan: i felt like royalty

AmazedMan: How considerate.

SleeplessGMan:  i thanked everyone and then they thanked me for the show i put on last night

AmazedMan: Hahahhah, did you inquire what this “show” consisted of?

SleeplessGMan: no and i cant exactly recall my actions

AmazedMan: You should have asked Carl what you were doing like “Listen, Carl……shoot me straight. Was I getting weird?”

SleeplessGMan: but the lore says i was dominating flip cup at this bar, which was pretty sweet btw and weshould totally go there some night

SleeplessGMan: by night’s end everyone wanted to go so i just started slamming any and every cup of beer left unattended on the bar

SleeplessGMan: then i remember coming to at 6:30 am, sitting up in bed, realizing carl had absconded, and making my escape

SleeplessGMan: ripped off the braclet, hailed a cab, and went to penn

AmazedMan: Hahhahahha. Nice.

SleeplessGMan: upon realizing the next train home was departing at 8:08 am, and the train i take to work is the 8:02, i knew my night had ended and I needed a shower

AmazedMan: Are you home or at work?

SleeplessGMan: struggling at work

SleeplessGMan: but im not done yet

AmazedMan: Ok, continue…

SleeplessGMan: so i called amanda and was like “long story short, can i shower at your place?” which i did

SleeplessGMan: then rode the subway to Madison Square Park

AmazedMan: Haha.

SleeplessGMan: napped on a bench like a homeless person until 9, went to this clothing store and bought an outfit for the day, from head to toe.

SleeplessGMan: not gonna lie, these are my first pair of crocs and i like them

SleeplessGMan: also picked up some levis

AmazedMan: wow I picture you wearing what I wore to my first day of school in 4th grade.

AmazedMan: So has anyone made any comments to you yet or no?

SleeplessGMan: no, and if management inquires I’ll just calmly say, “listen guys, I know ok, I was there. And if I somehow forgot this hangover is here to remind me.”

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