Despite his jovial nature, work is no laughing matter to a gentleman. No laughing matter indeed! For a gentleman lives by the gentleman’s credo: “For every highball I swill, I will increase my company’s profits by ten-fold!” Thus, following an evening — or a 24-hour period for that matter — of excessive imbibing, a professional gentleman will not allow himself the luxury of sleeping in and missing precious hours of profit producing business. Rather, he’ll forego conventional sleep, instead recharging the batteries with a brief respite in E.R. before napping with his homeless, alcoholic brethren in a city park conveniently located near his looming office.


SleeplessGMan: yo

SleeplessGMan: so i went to the hospital last night?

AmazedMan: Hahahaha, are you asking me?

SleeplessGMan: i guess. i came to in a gurney in a hallway

SleeplessGMan: ripped off the bracelet they attached to my wrist and just peaced on my own will

AmazedMan: What?

AmazedMan: Have you examined yourself?

SleeplessGMan: no

AmazedMan: What is the last thing you remember before that?

SleeplessGMan: i remember screaming HMO! HMO! patient privacy!!

SleeplessGMan: bc they wanted to call my parents

SleeplessGMan: then i was restrained

SleeplessGMan: and had a personal security guard watching me

SleeplessGMan: carl was his name

SleeplessGMan: nice guy as i recall

SleeplessGMan: we talked about the yankees sucking

AmazedMan: Nice. So what were you doing before, like where and with who were you drinking with?

SleeplessGMan: i had a company outing yesterday

SleeplessGMan: started drinking at 1

SleeplessGMan: big mistake

SleeplessGMan: coronas were going down like sports water

AmazedMan: Are you still employed?

SleeplessGMan: indeed, miraculously

SleeplessGMan: when i came in, at 9:30 nonetheless

SleeplessGMan: they had a bacon egg and cheese on on everything bagel waiting for me

SleeplessGMan: i felt like royalty

AmazedMan: How considerate.

SleeplessGMan:  i thanked everyone and then they thanked me for the show i put on last night

AmazedMan: Hahahhah, did you inquire what this “show” consisted of?

SleeplessGMan: no and i cant exactly recall my actions

AmazedMan: You should have asked Carl what you were doing like “Listen, Carl……shoot me straight. Was I getting weird?”

SleeplessGMan: but the lore says i was dominating flip cup at this bar, which was pretty sweet btw and weshould totally go there some night

SleeplessGMan: by night’s end everyone wanted to go so i just started slamming any and every cup of beer left unattended on the bar

SleeplessGMan: then i remember coming to at 6:30 am, sitting up in bed, realizing carl had absconded, and making my escape

SleeplessGMan: ripped off the braclet, hailed a cab, and went to penn

AmazedMan: Hahhahahha. Nice.

SleeplessGMan: upon realizing the next train home was departing at 8:08 am, and the train i take to work is the 8:02, i knew my night had ended and I needed a shower

AmazedMan: Are you home or at work?

SleeplessGMan: struggling at work

SleeplessGMan: but im not done yet

AmazedMan: Ok, continue…

SleeplessGMan: so i called amanda and was like “long story short, can i shower at your place?” which i did

SleeplessGMan: then rode the subway to Madison Square Park

AmazedMan: Haha.

SleeplessGMan: napped on a bench like a homeless person until 9, went to this clothing store and bought an outfit for the day, from head to toe.

SleeplessGMan: not gonna lie, these are my first pair of crocs and i like them

SleeplessGMan: also picked up some levis

AmazedMan: wow I picture you wearing what I wore to my first day of school in 4th grade.

AmazedMan: So has anyone made any comments to you yet or no?

SleeplessGMan: no, and if management inquires I’ll just calmly say, “listen guys, I know ok, I was there. And if I somehow forgot this hangover is here to remind me.”

  add 1  RATING: 6

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9 Responses to A Gentleman Is A Professional Businessman

  1. flip cup nearly had the EMT’s called on my behalf in college…and much like this story, it resulted from the need to not leave one cup unconsumed.

  2. Wondrous, Benedict. With an energy crises at hand and a financial catastrophe looming, a gentleman wastes nothing!

  3. Hospitals are for sh*tfaced people with no friends. :(

  4. Or, for people that get drunk with co-workers. No one wants a lawsuit! HR!

  5. “not gonna lie, these are my first pair of crocs and i like them”

    A gentleman does NOT wear Crocks . . . nor does he admit that he likes them.

  6. Wow, that is one legendary night.

  7. What a bullshit lame story by some conceited loser.

  8. I’m amazed you visit this site, #7. With that sort of response, I can’t help but wonder how you would ever voluntarily read anything on TFM.

  9. Agreed. A gentleman does not wear crocs, ever. But man, there’s nothing better than a good bacon egg and cheese on an everything bagel. Do not disturb a gentleman locked in the bliss of that sandwich. Thank god for the good people that work at whatever company you work with, they know what the fuck is up.

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