When a gentleman is asked to accompany his lady-friend on a social mixing weekend, he makes sure he is on his best behavior. From his manners and etiquette to his physical presentation and conversation skills, everything is impeccable. When asked to join the men folk for a round of 18, a gentleman replies, “I’d be delighted.” When offered a cocktail, a gentleman gracefully accepts. So flawless are a gentleman’s social skills, that even if his lady-friend should momentarily abandon him, leaving him adrift amongst a sea of unfamiliar faces, a gentleman will quickly take the wheel of his proverbial ship, engaging in witty banter with his fellow humanoids as if they’d all been old chums, thus swiftly and fully winning over the now enamored crowd.

CountryClubber: dude I had a bad weekend

UnwantedGuest: yeah?

CountryClubber: got really drunk at an event with Liz’s section at business school

CountryClubber: and I guess made a complete ass of myself

UnwantedGuest: hahah

UnwantedGuest: what went down?

CountryClubber: we were in martha’s vineyard

CountryClubber: I went golfing with these guys

CountryClubber: drank all day

CountryClubber: then they went back to their hotels to eat, nap and shower

CountryClubber: but I forgot where my hotel was at this point, so I ended up at an open bar party and kept drinking

CountryClubber: but that didn’t stop me from talking to everyone

CountryClubber: drinking-wise, no one was at my level

UnwantedGuest: naturally

CountryClubber: i was still in my golf clothes and there was mud all over my legs cause it had been raining

UnwantedGuest: hahaha

CountryClubber: by the time Liz arrived I was not on best behavior

CountryClubber: I mean we are talking me just being a jerk

UnwantedGuest: how so?

CountryClubber: I was drinking straight vodka

CountryClubber: using the woman’s bathroom and screaming while inside

CountryClubber: one of her classmates is named steve

CountryClubber: and they call him serious steve

CountryClubber: and so I kept getting in his face being like why so serious steve? chill out steve

CountryClubber: he wasn’t happy

CountryClubber: Then someone comes up to our group and says it smells

CountryClubber: and I guess I look at him and go, “well I just shit my pants”

UnwantedGuest: wow, it just keeps getting better

CountryClubber: Liz is yelling at me

CountryClubber: she is in tears

CountryClubber: so bad

UnwantedGuest: haha this is so awesome

CountryClubber: no its not

UnwantedGuest: if it makes u feel any better

UnwantedGuest: i was asked to leave a house party this weekend

CountryClubber: that does not make me feel better

UnwantedGuest: hey can I send this convo to thefoggymonocle?

CountryClubber: NO

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