That’s right you gentlemanly observers of proper gentleman’s grammar, this week we are profiling gentleMEN of the week, not a single gentlMAN. Behold this posts mighty power! It’s like a gentleman x 2! Such were these men’s prowess that we felt inclined to split the post, and they, as any gentlemen would, gracefully obliged. Salutations!  

Kingsley Amis

Why was the late British gentleman Kingsly Amis knighted? Was it his eloquence on the printed page, or simply his erudite musings on life itself? The answer is neither! Amis was bestowed the realm’s greatest honor thanks to his prowess in the bar and his benevolent willingness to pass on his drinking knowledge, from how to masterfully combat a hangover to how to effectively evade bartending duties, even at your own party. Like an ancient kung fu master trained in the deadly art of getting totally shit faced, sauced up sloth Amis dedicated his life to studying, and drinking, the drink. Now, his sacred texts are available again in the form of re-released masterwork trilogy On Drink, Everyday Drinking and How’s Your Glass? Nobody put it better than old Amis when singing booze’s praises, declaring, “The human race has not devised any way of dissolving barriers, getting to know the other chap fast, breaking the ice, that is one-tenth as handy and efficient as letting you and the other chap, or chaps, cease to be totally sober at about the same rate in agreeable surroundings.”

Bill Murray

Last week, when we first heard tales of Bill Murray’s alleged philandering, we were compelled to extend a white-gloved hand to the man and lift him out of the muddy trap his muckraking wife had laid for him. In fact, we almost feared for Murray’s life, embarrassingly believing the deceptive wench’s tales of the man’s dangerous Marijuana addiction! But then she got greedy, letting her lies simply spin out of control with such laughable claims of alcohol and sexual addiction. Please. Do such things even exist?! And then we regained our gentlemen’s senses, remembering that the husband in question was Bill Murray, the man whose teat of comedic man-flab we’ve been suckling on for years. From gentlemanly, nah, Shakespearean portrayals of Carl Spackler and Dr. Peter Venkman to Phil Connors and John Winger, Murray has showcased the infallible nature of a true gentleman, and so we say, soon-to-be-former-Mrs. Murray, to hell with your outlandish claims, you do not deserve a family name befitting a loud Irish pub! But to a gentleman, talk is cheap, so allow Rushmore’s magnificently mustachioed Herman Bloom prove our point.

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