While there are plenty of services catering to the fancies of the modern gentleman, when it comes to matters of physical rehabilitation, a true gentleman trusts no one’s expertise save his own. Remember, the deftest hands always belong to a gentleman.

Siestas&SudsMan: yo dude, it’s taco tuesday at Flannerys, that shitty irish pub, they have great tacos, let’s get some beers after work

SpaGeneral: no can do amigo

Siestas&SudsMan: por que?

SpaGeneral: got a spa appointment

Siestas&SudsMan: of the happy ending variety?

SpaGeneral: sort of, yes

SpaGeneral: the appointment is at my house

Siestas&SudsMan: you hired a masseuse?

SpaGeneral: nope

SpaGeneral: this is a one-man job

Siestas&SudsMan: haha, sounds like a gentleman’s spa treatment

SpaGeneral: indeed

SpaGeneral: it goes something like this:

SpaGeneral: as soon as i get home

SpaGeneral: I fire up the internet

SpaGeneral: beat off

SpaGeneral: after soiling myself i head to the bathroom

SpaGeneral: but not before cranking up the tunes on the ol’ hi fi

SpaGeneral: some zz top perhaps

SpaGeneral: tres hombres

Siestas&SudsMan: naturally

SpaGeneral: I take a long and satisfying deuce

SpaGeneral: then — light as a feather and drained of all pesky sexual urges — it’s off to the shower with a beer in hand and a long soak on the horizon

SpaGeneral: voila

SpaGeneral: a gentleman has recharged his engines

Siestas&SudsMan: god, that sounds awesome. an urban vacation no less. The glow of internet porn is better than those smelly candles and the ZZ top is much more soothing than the Enya they play at the non-gentleman spas

SpaGeneral: exactly. i wouldn’t be caught dead in one of those dens of ill repute.

Siestas&SudsMan: you are like a new man, ready to face the challenges of the unemployed non-work week

SpaGeneral: hahaha

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