A gentleman can get himself out of any situation, period. Don’t question it! Underneath his tweed dinner jacket, argyle sweater vest, paisley ascot, tapered slacks, pressed dressed shirt, silk boxers, and diamond-encrusted cock ring lurks a creature capable of assuming any identity, be it a fine renaissance statue or even a common kitchen appliance. Chameleon in nature and Rambo-like in instinct, a well-trained gentleman can escape any uncomfortable situation by simply and subtly blending into his surroundings. 

11:33 AM

FriendlyGentleman: how was the weekend?

DateMan: this past saturday i got so shit faced drunk before i went to meet lisa* for dinner at this nice italian place

DateMan: it was all a blur but she said that i just poured a glass of water in my lap which prompted her to leave a wad of cash on the table and leave

11:35 AM

DateMan: then while she was hailing a cab she couldn’t find me because i was inside a refrigerator box someone was throwing out

FriendlyGentleman: HAHA

FriendlyGentleman: why were you in the box?

DateMan: i think i was trying to hide from her because she was pissed

FriendlyGentleman: and you knew you were in trouble

DateMan: right but again i was trashed, i had had 4 of those big beers at turkeys nest before i went to meet her

DateMan: in like 2 hours

FriendlyGentleman: did you even get to eat?

FriendlyGentleman: how much is 4 beers? like 64 ounces?

DateMan: um yeah i think so

DateMan: i gotta ask her

FriendlyGentleman: your monocle is foggy about the events of that evening

11:40 AM

DateMan: dude my monocle was like a car’s windshield after being wiped down by a homeless dude asking for change

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